Friday, May 11

B-sides on Time - Take 4

I can't pretend that I've gotten any better at managing my time. If anything, I've just been able to prioritize things a little smarter. I've been trying to use a spreadsheet to chart out what "debt" I have (weighty undone tasks), in the same way that I've been using a spreadsheet for my finances.

A wise woman once told me that I didn't need a new organizational system. I just need a system that I'll actually use, she said. I figured since the money-sheet is working for me, maybe I could translate it to how I use my time. Well, I'm still horrendously behind in many things, but it does feel nice to slowly chip away at those things I "owe."

A month or two ago, I really felt God seriously urging me to stay ahead of my assignments in my Fuller classes this quarter. Doing so would allow me to walk in freedom. For various reasons, I haven't done that. (At all.) And now I feel like I'm held hostage by all that's still left undone.

In all of this measuring and plotting and planning, I came across these words of Mother Teresa:

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

I want to "pay down the debt" of time owed to certain projects and assignments so that I can be more free to give, to love. If I'm really honest, when I'm wrestling with over-due tasks, I usually fail to love my family well. In fact, I'm a big jerk. And that makes me sad.

For far too long I've hidden behind procrastination, pretending it to be a banner of freedom. I think procrastination has been the symptom of my unruly addiction to independence. Sweet Jesus have mercy.

(Photo: "Love is a Mixed Tape")

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