Saturday, September 22

EKG Me, Mr. Prophylactic

I had to go to the E.R. tonight. I've been having these weird heart-palpitations since I got back from Africa, and today they were on the rise. I was just shrugging it off as little-girl excitement over my transcontinental-skipping and my upcoming move to California.

That was until nurse Mama Rose said, "I think you should read the fine print on that Malaria prophylactic you're taking." So I did that.

It's always a good idea to listen to your nurse Mama. Especially when she says big crazy tyrannosaurus rexy words like, "prophylactic."

If you experience irregular heartbeat while taking this medication: CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.

I did that. (But I didn't appreciate all the SHOUTING IN CAPS.) And the doctor sent me to the Emergency Room.

It's funny the things you think about when you're young with not-extravagant health insurance. The nice ER nurses are hooking my heart up to the EKG machine, and Mama--who used to work at this hospital--reminds me that this procedure costs about $500. 12 seconds of EKGness. $500. In my calculations, that's $41.67/second. (Not bad, robot. Hope you're saving for retirement.)

I.V. dripping salt-water into my arm.......$50
Multiple blood tests.......$200
Doc saying I'm all-normal and should just stop taking my Malaria pterodactyl......Priceless.

She also said I should cut back on the caffeine. Oh dear.

I'm very thankful for health insurance. But the expense of the whole system just baffles my happy little heart.


Agent B said...

"But the expense of the whole system just baffles my happy little heart."

Oh man...don't even get me started.

I think that topic is an entire series on the agent b files...somewhere.

Glad you're doing better. And ignore the caffiene warning.

a girl who collects shells said...

prophylactic- adj. intended to prevent diseases.

I like that you made "tyrannosaurus rex" into an adjective.
I also likewe. Glad your heart is doing better.

lisa said...

Oh, Jenelle! I have the urge to YELL IN CAPITALS something that rhymes with your name. But, in my line of work, it is expected that I would not use such language.

OK, so maybe that's why you were clenching your jaw at night too?

I'm glad that you're ok. I sad that our medical system is so ridiculous.

lisa said...

No, "I'm sad" not "I sad". (Not trying to do some new "my bad" thing.)

cari said...

Maybe you should end this post with an "Obama 08!" or something.


phDs at Fuller eh? This sounds quite exciting!

Um, Lisa is so ridiculous. Me gusta a ella.

Jenelle said...

I think you're right. Some rally cry would be more suited. I'm a little jealous you got to go to that B.O. rally, bee tea double ewe. Nancy Pelosi in '12. That's all I know.

Yes, I like that Lisa. She makes me laugh.

Sue said...

Don't ignore caffiene warnings! Remember it does come in decaf.
Nelly, we know a man "who said to the hospital with a huge bill pending" "sorry, have no insurance and all I have is $300" and the hospital said, "okay, fine" and took the money.

Show me a presidential candidate that is ready to stop taking huge donations from the insurance companies and actually GO AFTER THEM and then I will put great trust in their talk.

Most of all, I am sorry you had to rush into the ER but very happy for your fabulous nurse Mama to have known what to do!!

Brian said...

prophylactic, doesn't that mean something else. I have hundreds of them

Jenelle said...

brian, you are a riot. I really didn't mean for my post title to sound so packed with inneuendo. bit leave it to you to remind me. I do believe your rubber prophylactics are #6 down on the defintion list, while the malaria pills are #1...but the same word, indeed.

Rachel said...

i considered reminding you, but I decided against it. : )

Rachel said...

ps. I'm glad that you are healthy!

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